“Listen, you can’t back down from a dare mate,” slurred a slender British guy inches away from my face. We’d known each other approximately 8 minutes. In one hand he flung around a beer splashing me and his T-shirt that read I Love Hot Dogs.
Before I could escape, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and announced, “If you don’t eat the bug, then you have to shag me!”
The newly formed crowd that circled us roared “Do It! Do It!” drunkenly. I cringed and peeled Hot Dog Guy’s hand from my shoulder. He smiled proudly, “No worries love, I’m clean! Maybe a touch of Chlamydia...but just a touch!”
Chris, my hostel mate, eagerly started haggling in Thai to the man selling a cart full of insect delicacies. “Oh don’t worry about the money, Chris, “I snarled, still furious at him for his ridiculous dare. “I’m sure public humiliation is priceless.”
This was why I despised drinking games. And more importantly, why I avoided Truth or Dare. I was always the “truth girl” which eventually lead to me being labeled boring for the remainder of the night. And the sad truth was, I was boring. Afraid of everything. And in my mind, rightfully so. The first time in my entire twenty-four years of existence I opted for a dare and it lead me to a cart full of deep fried spiders, scorpions, and crickets. Even though the most exotic food I’d ever eaten was shrimp cocktail, I wasn’t keen on having risky sex with a guy dressed like a school lunch.
Chris quickly selected the largest scorpion in the basket. With my eyes closed tight, I opened my mouth slowly and prayed this wouldn’t be the moment I caught a tapeworm. The crunch. The bitterness. The legs tickling my tongue. I wanted it over as fast as possible. With three chews and one hard gulp, I was crowned The Scorpion Queen. The title warranted free drinks for the rest of the night. Most importantly, I felt triumphant. Like I never had to fear anything ever again. A night in Bangkok for the books. The next morning would bring a new adventure.
- - - -
With hangovers I can only describe as being crafted by Satan himself, Chris and I somehow made it to the 9AM train to Chiangmai. From there we were to be picked up by Chris’ uncle and driven the hour to their village.
Though Chris and I met at Bangkok Backpackers Hostel, he was no wide eyed tourist like myself. He was born and raised in a small village in Northern Thailand. For the past three years, Chris lived in New York moonlighting as a personal shopper while studying for the BAR exam. He was visiting home for the first time since his “great escape” as he called it and wanted a few weeks of debauchery in Bangkok before the calm of his village. For the past two weeks, we bounced from bar to bar on the infamous Khao San Road, saw the indescribable talents of the women at the Ping Pong shows and devoured as much street food our stomachs could stand.
It was honestly the most fun I’d had since the break dancing clowns at my 10th birthday party.
But after weeks of crowded train stations, noisy streets and air thick with tuk tuk exhaust, I was excited to get out of the bustle of Bangkok. As the pounding in my head softened, I opened my eyes to beautiful flashes of green dancing in the window. Cows. Farmers. Seemingly endless fields. I smiled at the sight. Chris sat upright wearing an expression very uncharacteristic of his usual free spirited personality. He caught me staring and immediately looked away.
His confession was soft, but audible. “My family does not know about me.”
The words hung in the air like a sour stench. I panicked. “What? They don’t know that you bleach your armpit hair?...That you eat popcorn with ketchup?...Oh! That you fart in your sleep?” My jokes went without response. I moved the bookbag that sat between us and leaned my head on my new best friend’s shoulder.
“I do not fart,” he snapped holding back a small smile.
“Well those are the only things I can think of that are actually wrong with you,”I replied squeezing his hand assuringly. “Other than that, you are unfairly perfect just the way you are.”
“It was easy to keep secret living far away,” he sighed. “My family so traditional. They will not welcome... no how do you say...accept... who I am.”
“Your family loves you, even if you’re gay,” I said praying it would be true.
We shared a comforting silence until Chris suddenly gasped. “Wait! I’m gay?”
We stared at one another blankly and then finally laughed until tears filled our eyes. Though his English was not perfect, Chris had mastered sarcasm.
—----------
Stepping off the train, the air stung my face. Clean. Crisp. Invigorating. I felt each breath slowly cleansing my body of the two weeks of mystery street food and binge drinking. Chris’ uncle waved wildly on the platform at first sight of his nephew. Their embrace was long.
I smiled remembering my family waving me off at the airport a few weeks earlier. They couldn’t believe I was embarking on a three month trip throughout Southeast Asia alone.
After breaking up with my boyfriend of 5 years, I became so paralyzed with fear that the thought of tomorrow would send me bursting into tears. I hoped that somehow getting terribly lost thousands of miles from home would in some way help me find myself again.
For most of the car ride, Chris and his uncle, named Dang, spoke in Thai. I was happy to look out the window and get a glimpse of a new city. Though less crowded, there still appeared to be plenty of beautiful temples and shops to explore. We stopped in front of a small white building. The sign was in Thai.
“Gym.” Dang smiled warmly at me. He then abruptly jumped out of the car and I followed.
“Muay Thai is boxing, but you use hands and feet,” Chris explained as we walked towards the ring in the center of the floor. I tried not to jump as a shirtless man kicked another directly in the chest. As we grew closer, I could see dried blood on the ring floor. Chris continued. “This gym has been in my family for many years.”
Dang spoke quickly with excitement and pointed proudly at pictures of Thai men on the walls. Chris translated. “My father, his father and his father’s father were all great fighters. My uncles too.”
“So your family is basically a bunch of Mortal Kombat characters?” I joked punching Chris lightly on the arm. “Finish him!”
Chris shook his head slowly, “I will never be on that wall. My family biggest sorrow.”
Suddenly, a large group emerged from a back room of the gym. The men played instruments; drums, tiny cymbals and others I did not recognize. The women carried plates of fruit as well as bowls of rice and meat. All, wore smiles that expressed love in any language.
Dang stood beside me and said slowly, “Surprise?”
“Yes!” I nodded. “Chris, how sweet they planned a surprise for you!”
Chris, a deer in headlights, did not answer. He barely moved as his family flooded him with hugs and kisses. Dang pointed out Chris’ mother and father to me. His mother was strikingly beautiful, his father strikingly stern. A tiny elderly woman was the last to come from the back. She wore a traditional black long skirt and long sleeved shirt with a pink scarf wrapped around her head. Colorful beaded necklaces draped her neck. The family parted in silence, giving her a clear path to Chris. She reached up to hold his face in her wrinkled hands.
Dang whispered, “Grandmother. She must...approve.”
Grandmother spoke slowly to Chris in Thai. Her intense eyes reading his face. The family watched in anticipation. Chris finally spoke in Thai, slowly and shaky at first. Then gradually his speech grew quicker and more confident. Suddenly, everyone turned in my direction. I looked behind me to find no other diversion.
Grandmother walked over slowly. The family followed. She stared long and then nodded. The family erupted into cheers. Chris’ mother ran over to me in tears. She smelled of honey as we embraced. Dang quickly pulled Chris and I together, holding both our hands above our heads. He shouted. “Wedding!”
-----------
When I finally was able to drag Chris to the bathroom I grabbed him hard by the shoulders. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I’m sorry! I did not know what to do,” he exclaimed with tears filling his eyes. His hands were trembling. I recognized this feeling. Fear. I knew it well. Suddenly, I couldn’t find any of the angry words I had floating around in my head moments before. I wrapped my arms around my friend and squeezed tight.
“I will tell truth tomorrow. Dinner first,” Chris begged. I nodded. We rejoined the party hand in hand and were met with the smiles of everyone, except for one. A late comer to the party.
“My sister, Malee,” Chris said pulling me towards the scowling young girl with dark eyebrows. I extended my hand, which she did not accept. Instead, she spoke in Thai to Chris.
He immediately started shaking his head. Pushing past him, Malee then made an announcement in Thai to the room.
Chris translated. “I challenge the future bride of my brother. A test of strength and honor.”
“What’s the challenge?” I asked as my heart began to pace. “I aint eating no more bugs!”
Chris looked towards the ring. My stomach flipped. “Hell no,” I said through gritted teeth.
“She wants me to fight her? In there?”
“She is Muay Thai champion also,” Chris admitted. Of course she was. We watched Malee leap into the ring and tear off her sweatshirt. Revealing perfectly sculpted abs and muscular arms, she began warming up with a series of punches and high kicks intended for my face.
Chris squeezed my hand, “It’s ok. I confess now. She kill you.”
“No,” I said too quickly for reason to catch up. “I’ll do it. I can do it…. After all, I’m the Scorpion Queen, remember?”
I climbed into the ring before Chris could protest. Dang stood in the middle as referee. The men began to play their instruments, a ritualistic soundtrack of my impending defeat. Malee danced in the ring and knelt in her corner in what I assumed was prayer. I knelt down afraid to open my mouth, being unsure if a prayer or vomit would spill out. When I opened my eyes, Chris stood looking up at me from floor. His eyes big, “Lauren, why you do this?”
“I don’t want to be afraid anymore,” I replied standing to my feet and turning to face a much stronger Malee.
But I was afraid. I could hear my pounding heart in my ears. I took a step forward and then another. Malee charged towards me and I quickly raised my hands to shield my face. Before I knew it, my feet went out from under me and my back hit the mat hard. Very hard. I gasped for air. Malee leapt on top of me and threw a punch that stopped an inch from my face. She stood looking down at me. I leaned over onto my side and slowly raised to my feet. I was determined not to quit.
Malee shouted in Thai. The family all laughed and began slapping Chris on the back. His mother and father embraced him. Chris cried in their arms. Malee helped me to my feet and out of the ring.
“Chris gay,” Malee smiled. “You no wife. He think we stupid.”
“You knew?” I asked still trying to catch my breath.
“They all knew,” Chris said pulling me into a hug. “My mother say she always know and she love me always too. No more secret.”
The family once again parted for Grandmother’s path. She reached up to put my face in her hands, which were soft against my skin. She said forcefully, “Wiphu….Wiphu….Wiphu.”
I repeated her uncertainly, “Wip-hu?”
“It means mighty and powerful,” Chris translated. “No fear.” I smiled. Grandmother patted my face lightly with her hands. Slowly, she smiled back at me.
And in that moment, even as tears fell, I knew that tomorrow I would be just fine. And the tomorrows after that too.
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